Freedom, but Not Really.

Zoe and I had a very... 'close' relationship. We always knew what the other was doing and it was nice, but sometimes very irritating. If any guy tells you he's not jealous and/or protective over his girlfriend he is either lying or doesn't give a shit about her.

When we broke up I was relieved because I thought I'd finally be able to do what I wanted, without a shitstorm raining down on me, but how I was wrong. Not that long ago I was with Iona, and even though Zoe isn't my girlfriend anymore she still went absolutely ape. Now this pissed me off, because of two reasons. Reason 1: I am single, what right does she have to tell me what I can and can't do? Reason 2: She maintains that I'd be the same. While there's a degree of truth in that, I wouldn't show her I was annoyed, because I have no right to be annoyed and I hate showing my feelings to people I'm not close to anymore. 

Today is a prime example. Zoe, assuming because I didn't answer my phone immediately meant that I was with Iona got extremely angry at me. I'm trying to cut down the amount I talk to her because it will just make it harder to let go and it's not fair on Zoe to keep her attached. It's also not fair on Iona who has outwardly expressed interest in me and me to her. May I take time to point out that the reason I missed her call was in actual fact because my phone was on silent and I don't currently have credit to reply. That got me thinking though. I told Zoe I wanted to remain civil and be friends, but today made me realise that cannot possibly happen. It cannot happen for one fundamental reason; it's just too soon.

Over the past few days I've come to realise that Zoe and I will never turn out the way we thought, which is truly heartbreaking. I can only apologise to her with the deepest of regret that I won't be able to give her what she wanted. But I do want her to be happy without me but I know that means one day watching her fall in love with somebody else.

Of course I'm still protective and jealous over Zoe, hell, I still get annoyed when I see stuff about Hannah and Calum on Facebook, curly haired fuck. But it's time to move on. Who knows where that will take me, it might be with Iona, it might not. Iona does however make me happy, make me smile, listens to me and seems to genuinely care about my problems. She also loves Aston Martins and Bora Bora.

You can never be certain of your future and that is why I need to start doing things because I want to do them, not because it will suit someone else the best. No girl will last a lifetime, but you will.