Let's start things off on a high, because they're about to get shit.
For as long as I can remember I looked up to my dad because he drove a BMW. I think they are beautiful machines, masterpieces of the motor industry. Naturally, for as long as I can remember I one day wanted to own one too but the problem was I never really understood how expensive they are. For the kind of car my dad has you're talking £50,000 new, or about £30,000 for a pre-owned one with an age of about 2. I would love a 5.30 M-Sport, however I don't think I'd be able to drive it because of my huge, throbbing erection. On the other hand I don't want to settle for a car that you see every day; I was a 6.40, or an M6! There's the problem you see, the better the car, the higher the cost. The higher the cost, the more demanding on your wage.
Now for the shit...
I used to want to be a teacher until I realised I enjoyed business more, plus there is more money to be made out of it. Then when I wanted to progress my career in a supermarket I thought my ceiling would be Store Manager but recently I've come to learn this wouldn't be good enough for me. It would be settling for a 5.30 when in actual fact I want an M6! I don't want to stop at being in charge of a store, I want to be a Store Director, in charge of a group, driving my 6.40 around north-west Scotland. Screw that, I want to be Operations Director, driving my M6 around the whole of Scotland! But that's easier said than done...
It seems to be that in Britain people look down at you for wanting to be successful. It's like owning a good car, people don't congratulate you, they envy you because they couldn't be fucked to put in the effort to get one for themselves. In the company that employs me as soon as anyone wants to progress up the ladder every other employee seems to hate them and think they are pompous. Maybe I'm just not as comfortable being as powerless as everyone else. I want it all. In my job I'm just going places I've already been, and I hate it. It's not about what people expect of me, it's about what I want.
Now onto my cynical point. People piss me off to high heavens with their bullshit. If you are choosing to talk to or at me then I don't want to hear any negativity. Even if it's not negative but it's something I might not want to hear then don't tell me. Unless I specifically ask then I don't want to know; I do not care about you or your problems unless they are going to have a direct effect on my life.
That may sound a little harsh but when you take into account the amount of people who complain endlessly about their own lives then you might understand where I'm coming from. This seems to be an environment where everyone feels so free to fail in. I'm living my life like every day is my last, because it is. It goes back to the people that look down on others that try to get ahead. If you're a customer assistant at any company you're the bottom of the food chain. You get shat on by everyone else. You get ALL the bullshit because your boss' boss' boss was pissed off so your boss' boss takes it out on your boss then your boss takes it out on you. We walk around while the walls fall down around us. Because we are the least important, most important thing there is.
If someone feels they have failed in their life then I don't want to be brought down by their nostalgic sob story. I'm already cynical enough and I'm 20. Did you know that in Greek "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound"? I don't want your regret and pain passed over to me when I'm trying to make something for myself.
To end this on a happy note I'm going to mention that my blog has had 1,300 views. Zoe and I are finally getting along again and I for one am certainly looking forward to a free-drink filled holiday!
And one last point about my career: It's my life, I don't know how long it's going to last but I know it won't end well. I have to move forward and fast.
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