Confused, To Say the Least.

My ex-girlfriend, Hannah, has not talked to me nicely since we broke up (a month today). All that has been said is blasphemies and insults. Until yesterday, when it all changed... or did it?

My mum is a childminder and she childminds this sweet young kid, who reminds me of myself, I shall call him Paul. Now Paul does this thing when he gets excited, he smiles and says a word really slowly. He loved Hannah to pieces (as did I). Whenever he saw Hannah he would smile and go "Ha-nn-ah!".

Yesterday, I got a text from Hannah, who was working at the time and it simply said "Sitting next to Paul". We got talking about it and how the situation came about, nothing too important then she said that she didn't want to hate me anymore but that she wasn't ready to talk all the time.

I have been suffering from pretty bad headaches, a bad cough and tonsillitis for the past few days now and was lying in my bed this morning at 2 o'clock unable to sleep. I thought I'd chance my luck and texted Hannah saying that I felt shit and couldn't sleep. She replied saying that she was woken up by my text and had a sore back, so could feel my pain. This I found very strange indeed. Even when we were happy if I woke her up it would be my loss, but yet this time, she seemed almost happy to text me. She was very talkative then told me she'd speak later.

Hannah has an iPad and I love Ermenegildo Zegna. I was on their website earlier on yesterday afternoon and they had an iPad cover for £235 so I text her telling her. I got a text back slagging me off and then telling me I was getting my number blocked again. Why? Because one of the night she was telling me us breaking up was all my fault and she wished I was never born I decided to go a little more... diplomatic about the situation and instead of getting hot-headed I did something I knew would really piss her off. I started speaking to her sister about her.

So now Hannah maintains that I'm a "dick" and all the rest of it and continues to ignore me. My main problem with this is that I talked to her sister about a week ago, why tell me she doesn't want to hate me and unblock my number if she's just gonna block it again?


And remember: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission...

Anger.

I'm going to keep this post brief. So, remember how I was talking about my girlfriend going off her nut at me? Yeah, she's now my ex-girlfriend...

Basically, I went to her house last Friday to tell her I wasn't happy and wanted a break. To cut a long story short, she got really upset and started screaming and crying at me that she loved me and cared about me. She then explained how she was fed up of the arguing and my "bullshit" and dumped me. Fair enough, we had been together for more than 9 months and I'm the first to admit I cry far more than is considered "normal" for an 18 year old male.

So imagine my... discomfort when I find out that she may have already kissed someone else. I know a kiss isn't very serious, but for someone who looked me in the eyes and told me she couldn't imagine being with anyone else, and that she hoped I felt the same, it is a bit upsetting to hear this.

Now, because it's only been a week and she still means everything to me and I believe I do love her, hearing the possibility of her already getting in with someone else made me furious. In fact, it made me so jealous and angry that I got the jitters. If he'd been here and admitted it I wouldn't have been accountable for my actions.

Anyway, now that I've vented my anger I'll go watch some NCIS and listen to some Bublé. Oh, and by the way, I also feel like I've been eaten and shat out by one of those tunnel boring machines, which is the reason I called in sick to work. Not a good week to say the least.


And remember: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission...