Last week my girlfriend went off her nut at me and started complaining at how much of an asshole I am, kind, I know. Now this bothers me somewhat because if I was such an asshole, why would she put up with me for 9 months? This, by the way, is the girl that mistook our 9 month anniversary for 10 months... but I digress. We're fine now but I can't help but think that things are still somehow still shit. Let me explain...
I do everything that this girl asks me, no matter what the cost and I always put her first. If she asks me to drive her somewhere I will do it in a heartbeat and take no petrol money, if she's light on cash I will offer her money to get her by, I even cut the money she was due me for a recent holiday by £150. I am in no way well off or that, so don't think it was nothing, it was a big gesture.
Her parents live apart, are always getting at her for something and are still in that stage where they hate each other. They are somewhat... difficult when it comes to my girlfriend seeing them. Not to worry, I take her to her mum's of an evening, who lives 20 miles away and I do it with a smile, because I know how much it means for her to see her mum and obviously visa versa.
I know I might sound like a bit of a dick just now because I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to so there's no point in complaining. That is perfectly correct, and I'm not complaining. My point is gratitude.
Yes she said "thanks" etc etc, but after that it was all but forgotten about. I mean, let me give you an example. I am one of those people that lives by the moral code of kisses on a text. If I send you one "x" it means I'm happy with you, three of those tiny crosses and it means you're my friend. Six or more means I want to bang you and/or you mean a lot to me. Now my girlfriend always gets 6 or more, unless I'm pissed at her. And how many do I get in return? Four? Five you say? It's actually more like one. Or none.
Now I know that may sound pathetic, an 18 year old boy counting kisses on a text, but never the less it means something to me. And my point is that I do all of that stuff out of sheer kindness for her and she can't even take an extra 0.8 seconds out of her day to give me something that is meaningful to me? Oh, and the worst part is that other people get like five! That infuriates me!
Tonight she called me and I couldn't take it because I was driving so I hung up. I pulled over and called her back straight away but when she answered she was talking to her dad. When she was done talking to him I said my stuff then she went "Jack, I'm busy" and hung up. Now maybe I'm missing something here, but surely if she called me not 2 minutes ago then she couldn't be that fucking busy!
I knew that it was going to lead to an argument so I avoided getting angry at all costs, but then she started ignoring me. She texted back, I'm not joking, 55 minutes later and started slating me that I was "crying" because she didn't answer for 10 minutes. Whatever, I persevere.
After all this I guess my underlying point is that even though she says she loves me and cares about me, at times it really doesn't seem like she does. Other times things are great and I never feel closer to anyone, but it's times like the above when I just can't help but think: "maybe she's lying to me. She just finds it all too easy to fall out with me and ignore me for someone who loves me".
I know that if she reads this she'll be mad, so if you are reading this, know that I wasn't having a dig or anything, more just thinking out loud.
And remember: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission...
No comments:
Post a Comment